


Balance

by tetsubinatu



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-05 08:54:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsubinatu/pseuds/tetsubinatu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur has always had difficulty meeting his father's expectations, but he also has a lot of help.</p><p>Created for glomp_fest 2012</p><p><b>Warnings:</b> This is a lighthearted fic but there are character/s in denial, past homophobia, some mention of teenagers fooling around together in a sexual manner and some sex while intoxicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pub Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Patchcat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patchcat/gifts).



> My sincere thanks to Patchcat for waiting so patiently for her fic, to Somniare for cheerleading and waiting patiently for me to get back to betaing her fic, to Brunettepet for the kind words - and to Tomato for being so patient when I ran past the end of the fest. I don't deserve you but I appreciate you all!

Gwen was the first to look up as Arthur entered the pub, a slight furrow in her brow showing that she had noticed his companions. She elbowed Morgana, who had been deep in conversation with Leon and Elyan and they all turned around to look. Leon raised a hand in welcome and then his beer in a clear hint that Arthur was late and it was his round, but Percival's hand on his elbow kept Arthur from immediately diverting to the bar.

“I'll get this one,” Percival's deep voice said calmly in his ear. “Beer and what else?”

“Cider for the girls and Elyan will have a light beer,” Arthur replied automatically. Percy nodded and headed over to the counter as Gwaine followed Arthur over to the booth that held his friends.

“You're late,” Morgana said with a knowing look. She couldn't actually know anything though, Arthur thought. She just liked to act as if she did.

“This is Gwaine,” Arthur said, “Percival's getting the next round.”

“Gwaine and Gwen,” Elyan said mockingly as Gwaine grinned flirtatiously at Morgana and Gwen. “What sort of a girly name is Gwaine, anyway?”

Arthur's jaw dropped but Gwaine responded easily, “Elyan – is that even a name or just a grunt?”

“You know each other then,” Arthur said in relief.

“Yeah,” Elyan said. “This plonker delivers to us, remember?”

“Oh yeah.” Of course Elyan would know all the delivery service men. Elyan ran the Knightsbridge branch of Tintagel Tea Rooms and Gwaine did almost all of the Tintagel deliveries in the London area. “Well you'll know Morgana and Gwen from the Barbican shop then, Gwaine. Have you met Leon before?”

Leon shook his head and reached a hand over the table to shake Gwaine's. “I'm a surgeon,” he said cheerfully. “Got mixed up with this crowd when I was too young to know better.”

Percival arrived with a full tray of drinks and there was a brief commotion as room was made on the already crowded table. Arthur gathered up a few of the empties on a tray and returned them to the bar, since it was either that or try and ignore them, and when he returned Percival had already been introduced.

“You make those little cakes with the cherries?” Gwen was saying covetously. Percival gave her his slow, contagious grin.

“I've had an idea I want to try out next week,” he said. “For the savoury range. But Arthur won't let me buy porchetta.”

At that moment Arthur knew that he was going to be buying a lot of porchetta in the next few weeks, because every head at the table except Leon's snapped around to stare at him accusingly.

“Bacon's a lot cheaper,” he said weakly, but the end of this argument was inevitable really. He found himself doing something that he would have sworn only a few hours earlier was impossible: he deliberately diverted the topic to his father.

“Uther's coming home next week.”

“What?”

“How do you know?”

“I'll believe that when I see it,” said Morgana.

“He phoned me this morning,” Arthur explained. 

There was a short silence before Morgana's impatience got yhe better of her. “Well. What did he have to say?”

“Just that he's coming home,” Arthur said weakly. “And... he wants to be sure that I'm not working too hard and have a proper home life. He's planning to stay with me.”

Morgana chuckled evilly. It was all very well for her – she'd met Leon at University and that was that. Not everyone was so lucky.

“He even asked about Lancelot!”

Gwen caught Percival's puzzled expression. “Arthur's cat. Well, sort of... I mean he was supposed to be, but...”

“When Gwen and I broke up he decided that he liked Gwen better,” Arthur muttered. “Every time I bring him home he goes back to Gwen's place. Might as well stay there.” He stared sourly at his beer.

Gwaine looked at him disapprovingly. “Is he always this bad at telling a story? Long and the short of it is that he up and told his da that he's gay and living with a man, so Uther can't stay with him!”

Leon's beer came out through his nose in a sudden spray as Morgana and Elyan began to laugh uproariously. 

Gwen made little distressed noises, “But you're not! Oh Arthur! What are you going to do?”

“He didn't care, anyway,” Arthur said gloomily. “He says he doesn't mind and he's sure my guest room will be perfectly comfortable.”

Leon mopped ineffectively at the spilled beer in front of him. Percival reached across to the next table and grabbed a few extra napkins for him. “Why would that make him change his mind anyway?” he asked.

Morgana was the one to answer. “Before he went all looney-tunes, Uther was very conservative. He stopped talking to one of his cousins when she came out and he was absolutely horrified when he discovered that I had gay friends. I was ordered not to bring them around to the house any more. Igraine tried to tell him that he was being a dinosaur, but he wouldn't have a bar of it.

“And after Igraine's heart attack, the year I started Uni, he went off on his hippie trail, self-discovery kick – Arthur and I have scarcely seen him since then. He'd pop in occasionally when he was on some kind of promotional tour...”

“Promotional tour? Wait... Uther Pendragon? Your father is that Uther? _Balance_ , _In Harmony with the Universe_ and all that?”

Arthur nodded sullenly. Gwen took up the narrative. “Arthur's godfather, Gaius, took over Tintagel until Arthur was old enough to take Igraine's place. Arthur used to spend the holidays with him most of the time until he left school.”

“I use my mother's name at work,” Arthur added. “Some of the shareholders were a little dubious about my being so young when I became CEO, and the name helped. And being associated with Uther - who was studying with the maharishi at that point - really wouldn't have.”

“Anyway,” Gwaine cut in, “We have a plan! Arthur says that his father is never in town for more than a week or two so I've asked a mate of mine to lend a hand.”

Gwen voiced the thought that was clearly on everyone else's mind. “Lend a hand... how?” she said dubiously.

“Here he is now!” Gwaine said, raising his hand and half-standing in his seat. “Hi! Merlin!”

~ * ~

  


The young man who responded to Gwaine's boisterous hail was pale with a shock of messy, dark hair and a gorgeous smile.

“Sorry I'm late,” he said cheerfully. “Missed the first bus. I'm Merlin.”

Morgana grinned up at him. “I'm Morgana and this is Gwen, Leon, Elyan, Percival - you know Gwaine - and Arthur.

“Good to meet you all!” Merlin nodded at each of them. “Actually, don't I know you?” he finished, looking at Arthur.

Arthur started to shake his head and then a bolt of recognition struck. “No,” he said firmly. “Definitely not.”

Merlin cocked his head curiously. “I'm sure... oh well.”

“I'll get the next round,” Arthur said and bolted for the bar.

“I'll give him a hand,” Morgana said and edged past Gwen to follow him. “What do you want, Merlin?”

Merlin glanced at the glasses on the table. “Beer's fine. Light for preference.”

“Merlin starts singing if...” Gwaine chipped in, but was cut off by a surprisingly large hand over his mouth. Merlin just grinned until Gwaine signalled surrender.

~ * ~

  
“You do know him,” Morgana said as she caught up with her half-brother.

“I might have...”

Morgana raised a cynical eyebrow.

“I might have been shouting at a clumsy waiter when this interfering customer stepped in to tell me to calm down.”

Morgana shook her head. “You know I have no time for Uther's harmony clap-trap, but you definitely do work too hard, and it's bad for your temper. Merlin'll have a light beer by the way.”

Arthur gave the order and let his shoulders, which had risen in response to her criticism, slump. “Yeah well. The shareholders have high expectations and Tintagel doesn't run itself.”

“Are you really gay, or did you just say that to put Uther off?”

Arthur shrugged and Morgana's eyes sharpened. She opened her mouth and then closed it again before putting an arm around Arthur's shoulders. “Love you, Wart,” she said softly. 

He let out a soft huff of exasperation before nudging her with his elbow. “Love you too, Witch.”

~ * ~

  
Behind them a brief argument was taking place as Merlin discovered that he had been volunteered to be the pretend boyfriend of a stranger.

“Why the hell can't you do it yourself, Gwaine?”

“I'm not gay.”

“You don't have to be gay to pretend. I'm not actually this guy's boyfriend either! And anyway what about that blowjob of which we...”

“We never speak of that! Besides I was drunk! And no-one's going to believe that I'm gay if I have to spend a week living in the same house with them.”

“Gwaine! Stop being so bloody homophobic!”

“I'm not homophobic! I lived with you for three years, didn't I? It's fine for you – it's just that I'm not like that myself!”

“I know mine isn't the only cock you've...”

“Sometimes I get drunk! Doesn't mean anything! Anyway I know you're looking for somewhere else to live at the moment ever since that twat Will moved his girlfriend into your place...”

“That doesn't mean I'm prepared to share a bedroom with some random stranger for a week to fool his Dad – for a reason that doesn't even seem to make sense! You can be such a dollop-head, sometimes!”

The others at the table were taking in this argument with various degrees of amusement and distress, but when Gwen saw that Arthur and Morgana were on their way back to the table she hissed viciously at them, “Arthur's back!”

Gwaine and Merlin fell silent as Arthur and Morgana handed around the drinks.

“I do know you!” Merlin blurted into the awkward gap. “You're that prat who was shouting at the waiter.”

Arthur sighed and rubbed his head. Suddenly he looked exhausted. “This was a stupid idea,” he said. “Sorry to have bothered you with it, Merlin. I'm going home.”

“Arthur,” Gwen said placatingly.

He just shook his head, shrugged into his coat and was gone.

Merlin stared after him. “I might...” he said doubtfully. He glanced over at Morgana and Gwen and seemed to make a decision. 

“See you later,” he said, and ran out after Arthur.

~ * ~


	2. Merlin

“Why are you doing this?”

Arthur turned around to find Merlin falling in step beside him. “You wouldn't understand. I know it was a stupid idea. I just...” He grimaced.

“I was shouting a bit this afternoon.” He glanced over at Merlin, an unspoken acknowledgement of their previous meeting in his clear blue eyes. “The delivery was late and it seemed like the last straw. Your friend Gwaine gave as good as he got and then Percival asked what was wrong. He's a good chap, Percival – a perfect genius of a baker, and so calm. The head baker we used to have was so temperamental that...”

Arthur broke off, realising that he was waffling. He rubbed his eyes.

“I don't know. I was up until after 2 last night at some charity do that Morgana insisted on dragging me to, and then Uther woke me at 5 so I thought I might as well go across to my office at the bakery, get in a bit of work on the new start-up in Oxford; in any case, for some reason I told Percival what happened and then Gwaine said he had a brilliant idea – and it even seemed brilliant at the time – and there we were.”

Merlin shook his head. “Yeah. Gwaine's ideas always seem brilliant – until they go arse over tit and you look back and can't figure out why you ever fell for it! You're not the only one. What I can't figure out is why you told your father that you had a boyfriend in the first place.”

Arthur looked at the sympathetic face of his new acquaintance and sighed. “Long story. I live just up here. Want to come up for a coffee?”

~ * ~

  
Arthur's place would have been nice if it hadn't had an indefinable air of neglect about it. He put on a pot of filter coffee with the air of someone who could perform the task in his sleep and then pulled a stool over to the counter where Merlin was already sitting.

“My Dad was your typical suit-wearing conservative when I was little,” he said abruptly. “He and my Mum sometimes had fights about it but they really loved each other – even as a kid I could tell that. Mum was a bit more of a liberal thinker but her main focus was her business: Tintagel. Dad did something in the city; I never really knew what. They both worked long hours. Morgana's six years older than me and we had a nanny who came in before and after school until I was old enough to go to boarding school.

“I was in my first year at Harrow when Mum died of a heart attack and Uther went off his nut. I mean, he probably isn't certifiable, but he just walked out of his job and took off for some hippy commune up in the Lakes District. Gaius told me later that he'd been going to pull me out of school and take me too, but Gaius managed to persuade him that it had been Igraine's wish that I go to Harrow, so in the end he left me there.”

“Would you rather have gone with him?” Merlin asked quietly.

“No, I don't know... maybe,” Arthur said. “Truthfully, he might have been certifiable back then. At the funeral he refused to wear black – insisted on wearing Mum's favourite shade of orange – and he was incredibly rude to everyone from Mum's company who came to it. He was a bit scary actually. I don't know how Gaius managed to stay on his good side, but thank heavens he did because if it hadn't been for Gaius the company would have gone under. I've seen the books from those days and we were over-extended quite a bit.

“By the time I'd finished school I'd worked most of my holidays at Tintagel and knew it inside and out. I did Business Studies at University and Gaius had me instated as CEO as soon as he could get the board on side. He's quite a bit older than Mum and Dad and he was past ready to retire – he just hung on until I was ready for it.

“When Dad came back from the Lakes District commune he'd already written _Balance_ and he was in negotiations for the TV series. He made me call him Uther, kept going on about how stress of work had killed Mum. He wasn't my Dad any more. I was so angry with him; angry with Mum for dying, angry with Morgana for having her own life so that she could just walk away. I don't know how Gaius put up with me, to be honest. I got in trouble a lot for the next few years until I managed to get over it. I ...” He looked at the ground.

“I fooled around with a few boys the year I turned 14. Got caught and beaten up the last time - nearly got expelled. Gaius told me to watch myself because I was on my last chance with the school. I never thought of myself as gay though: I was just sticking it to Uther. He'd always hated gays. Mum and he had a row about the manager she hired for one of her shops once because he wore eyeliner and had a boyfriend.

“I straightened up and never thought of it again until after Gwen and I broke up. I really thought she was the one, you know?” His glance at Merlin was troubled. Merlin nodded.

“And then I met Elyan – who is straight as a ruler, by the way – and some switch in my head tripped or something, because I suddenly realised that if he'd been waiting in my bed instead of Gwen I would have been home more often. Um. I never told them that, by the way...”

“I wouldn't tell them,” Merlin assured him hastily.

“There didn't seem much point in worrying about it: too much to do. I just kept going until suddenly at stupid o'clock this morning Uther was on the phone and I snapped. I don't have a life apart from work and I don't want him all over my home harassing me about my life-work balance and my chakras or whatever - so I just said it: _I have a gay boyfriend who lives with me and I won't have anyone to stay who won't accept that!_ Except he pulled my bluff and said that he had no problem with that and he was looking forward to seeing me!”

Merlin let out a nervous chuff of laughter.

“Tell me that you're at least gay and I haven't been pouring all this out to some bewildered straight bloke,” Arthur said.

“No, I'm gay,” Merlin assured him. “Gwaine can be an arse but he was right about that.”

“So that's what happened,” Arthur said. The coffee was ready and he poured them each a cup, having to search the cupboard for sugar for Merlin.

“So tell me about yourself,” he invited Merlin sheepishly.

“Oh. Well, Mum raised me. Dad took off for parts unknown before I was born. Turned out the jewellery he bought Mum was the real stuff though, so she kept the proceeds of it for my education. I'm a financial counsellor now for people who get their finances in a mess. I help them sort it out and hopefully avoid having their houses and cars repossessed.”

“Sounds interesting,” Arthur said politely.

Merlin shrugged. “It needs doing,” he said.

After Merlin left, Arthur lay alone in his bed, remembering Merlin's wide, gorgeous smile and his understanding eyes. Somehow his thoughts flowed on to Merlin's long, biteable neck and collarbones, and the lean body underneath his plain black tshirt and jeans. He was asleep before he could fall so far as to actually wank over his thoughts though.

~ * ~

  
It had all seemed so logical when he did it, but in the morning Arthur couldn't remember his behaviour of the day before without cringing. He'd run off at the mouth about his personal affairs to not just one employee, but two – and then compounded that by adding a complete stranger to the list! He stormed through the day in a foul mood, restraining his temper only with the memory of Merlin, stepping between him and that clumsy waiter with a cool _Calm down, my friend. No real harm done._

No harm - except that Merlin had been right. He'd been losing his temper too often recently. The memory of Uther berating a frightened shop assistant back in his suit-wearing days sprang with vivid unpleasantness from his memory. It needed to stop.

He retreated into his office and closed the door, certain that short of an emergency no-one would dare disturb him there today - with the possible exception of Morgana who had no respect for him as her boss at all. The quiet knock on his door therefore came as a complete surprise.

“Yes?” he called.

Merlin looked nervous as he poked his head around the door. “Is it OK to come in? Percival said that you were holed up in here and not likely to come out.”

“Um. Sure. Hello, Merlin.” Arthur lifted a pile of sample books off his visitor's chair and waved Merlin at it.

Merlin waved hello, but stayed hovering by the door after he'd closed it behind him.

“Do you still want a fake boyfriend?”

Arthur wondered if he was hearing things. “I thought we agreed that Gwaine's lunatic ideas should be ignored!”

Merlin fidgeted uneasily. “Well, yeah, but my flatmate was having noisy sex with his girlfriend last night when I got home - and in the middle of the night - and in the shower this morning. I could stay on Gwaine's couch but I've got a job now and I need my sleep! And...” his voice flattened nervously “I reckon you might want some moral support to deal with your Dad, yeah? I don't mind really.”

Arthur's heart seemed a little too large for his chest. “Ah... yes. Well, that sounds good then; Gwaine said you were looking for a new place. Um. I guess you can stay at mine until you find one then – have the guest room when Uther leaves.”

“Oh!” Merlin's face lit up with his gorgeous smile. “That'd be great! I'll be out of your hair as soon as possible, I promise!”

Arthur opened the drawer of his desk, fished out his spare set of keys and tossed them over to Merlin, who managed to catch them. “Move in as soon as you like.”

~ * ~


	3. Uther

Uther hadn't given an exact date or time for his arrival, so Arthur couldn't brace himself for it. Merlin had moved in the day after their conversation, spreading his stuff through the flat _for authenticity_ , as he explained. It looked a bit messy, but there was no way that Uther would think that the sparkly Indian cushion or _Souvenir of Cardiff_ tea-towel belonged to Arthur, which was all to the good.

Merlin was a considerate flatmate – so far at least. He didn't use up all the hot water or milk, and he cooked lasagne the second night that he was there. “Oh I forgot to tell you – Uther's vegan,” Arthur said as he savoured the delicious food. Merlin rolled his eyes, which was fair enough, but later Arthur found him looking up vegan recipes on his ancient laptop. He was staying in the guest room for the moment, but all his clothes were in Arthur's room and he stripped and re-made the bed with a set of fresh sheets every morning, keeping the ones he was really using in Arthur's room until he actually went to bed at night.

Will turned up one evening in a strop about something but Merlin had a short, hushed argument with him in the corridor and Will left again. “Okay?” Arthur asked, looking up from his own laptop.

“Yeah,” Merlin grimaced. “He's short on the rent but it's his own fault. I told him I was going and he's just going to have to man up and ask Charly for her share of the rent. She's living there now after all.”

When Uther finally did show up, Arthur was watching the rugby on the couch while Merlin slumped in an armchair, headphones on and reading a trashy thriller set in Australia. When the knock came, Arthur was the only one to hear it.

Uther had always knocked the same way. Three hard, evenly-spaced knocks. Arthur really didn't want to answer the door.

Merlin pulled off his headphones. “What?” he asked.

Arthur stood up. “Uther's here.”

“With your shield or on it,” Merlin encouraged him. Arthur snorted derisively, but it helped. He even managed a welcoming smile as he opened the door.

“Uther! Come in!”

~ * ~

  


One thing that hadn't changed about Uther Pendragon was his forceful personality. He swept into the room in his jeans and tie-dyed shirt and caught Arthur into a hug. “You look so tired, Arthur! Have you been working too hard? I have some tea which will do you a lot of good – remind me to give it to you later! And this must be your partner? I'm sorry, Arthur hasn't told me your name.”

“Merlin,” Merlin said quietly. He moved to take Arthur's hand and Arthur suddenly realised that they should have spent the past few days talking about how they were going to handle this instead of amiably arguing about the rugby/football divide and whether Cardiff would be a good place for a new branch of Tintagel.

“Can I ask your date and place of birth, Merlin? I have a friend who can work you up a complete chart – I think you'll find it very useful.” Uther said, moving to place his bags on the counter. They didn't seem to contain much in the way of clothes but there was a lot in the way of herbs and books. Merlin murmured vague assent and then resignedly provided the details as Uther wrote them into a notebook. Merlin was born three years after him, Arthur noted, and his birthday was only a few weeks away.

Uther rummaged through his bags until he found a parcel wrapped in what looked like Chinese newspaper at the bottom. “I saw this and thought of you,” he said, handing it to Arthur. It was heavier than it looked. “I have something for Morgana too.”

When they finally made it to bed, Arthur placed the [green crystal](http://www.sobrietystones.com/resources/GemBook/Stones/meanings_gemstones_peridot.htm) by the side of his bed – as directed by Uther. “It's all rubbish,” he said brusquely.

“I had a cat who used to bring me eviscerated sparrows when I was younger,” Merlin said, climbing in on the left side. Stripped to boxers and a t-shirt he was surprisingly hairy.

Arthur laughed – but he also took the point. “And I don't like lavender,” he muttered contrarily. 

Merlin wrinkled his nose at the incense drifting under the door. “It's only for a week,” he said soothingly, then yawned. “Reminds me of my Granny. I quite like it.”

“You would,” Arthur grumbled.

Merlin tossed and turned a couple of times and then lay facing Arthur, who was staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep with his crazy father on the other side of the wall.

“He's trying, Arthur,” he said.

“I know.”

“Was it OK that I held your hand?”

It had been more than OK, actually, once Arthur had relaxed enough to accept it. There was something very sane about Merlin. Holding his hand had been … like being grounded in a lightning storm. It felt safe.

“Yeah. Thanks,” Arthur said. Grudgingly he added “I s'pose we should have some sort of plan really.”

“Mmmm. It's going OK so far.” Merlin said sleepily. “You taking tomorrow off?”

“Uhuh.” Arthur had reluctantly conceded that it was reasonable to take a day off a few days earlier when cornered by Morgana. “Morgana can't do tomorrow because there's some kind of PR favour she's doing for a friend of hers at the tea shop. She'll take him the day after. I texted her.”

“Mmmmkay,” Merlin hummed. When Arthur next looked he was asleep. The odd thing was that Arthur fell asleep shortly after, to the sound of Merlin's slow, deep breathing.

~ * ~

  


The next morning Merlin stumbled out of bed and into the shower half-asleep as usual, only realising that Uther was meditating in the living room when he nearly tripped over him on the way out.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said. 

Uther frowned but with a deliberate exhale his mellow persona returned. “You would be surprised how good it feels to start the morning by greeting the dawn with exercise and meditation,” he said seriously. “You are very welcome to join me, Merlin.”

“Um, not my thing really,” Merlin said, looking for his shoes. One of them was under the sofa, so the other one had to be somewhere nearby.

“Don't hassle Merlin,” Arthur said from the bedroom doorway.

“You are also welcome to join me, Arthur,” Uther replied calmly. 

Merlin had found his second shoe and was patting his pockets for his wallet and keys. “S'okay, Arthur. I don't have time anyway,” he said abstractedly. “Gotta go or I won't make the train.” He hesitated a brief moment before striding over to Arthur. His grin was entirely mischievous as he placed one hand on Arthur's shoulder, the other hand on his waist and leaned in for a kiss.

Toothpaste, Arthur thought. Big hands, firm lips. Mmmm. Nice. More. He leaned into the kiss, keeping his lips on Merlin's for as long as possible as Merlin finally drew back.

“See you tonight,” Merlin said softly, just for Arthur. His hands still rested warm and reassuring on Arthur's body. “Just go with it and try not to kill your Dad, OK?”

Arthur nodded, still a little breathless from the unexpected kiss, and received the most beautiful of Merlin's smiles yet, in return.

And then Merlin was gone.

“He's good for you,” Uther said approvingly.

Arthur looked at his father and wondered how this could be the same man as the father he had grown up with. “You wouldn't have said so when I was younger,” he said drily.

Uther nodded, a weight seeming to drop onto his shoulders. “You're right. I made a lot of mistakes back then, and that was one of them.” He took a deep, slow breath and Arthur thought that he might return to his meditation, but instead he looked up at Arthur. “Sit with me and talk,” he said. “How can I make amends to you for my mistakes?”

Where do we begin? Arthur thought. But he sat down anyway.

~ * ~

  


Merlin received his first text from Arthur at 8.40am.  
`We're having a heart to heart!` it said – Merlin could hear the horror in it without need of further explanation.

`Oh how we suffer` he replied, amused.

 

`You're a good kisser.` arrived rather shyly at 11.12.

`Are you flirting?` Merlin replied, slightly scandalised, but smiling at the thought.

`Sorry.` was not the response he'd been looking for.

`I liked it` he sent hastily.

 

He didn't receive the next text until 3.13. `Been visiting Kew Gardens. They're amazing!` it said, to Merlin's frustration.

`Good for the chakras?` he responded, trying for a light note.

`That word – I do not think it means what you think it means.` came back, so that was all right. If Arthur was quoting The Princess Bride then they were fine.

 

`Should I cook tonight?` he asked at 4.26.

The reply came back swiftly. `Uther wants to take us out for dinner. Brace yourself.`

 

A restaurant address arrived shortly afterwards so, rather than go back to Arthur's and then in to King's Cross, Merlin stayed late at work, getting through some of his paperwork backlog. He was still the first one to arrive at _Itadaki Zen_ though. Arthur kissed him matter-of-factly before sitting down. Merlin tried not to take it personally, but there was no denying that Arthur was fit. His breath was sweet and the tantalising scrape of his beard against Merlin's cheek was a promise that Merlin knew had no hope of fruition.

To their surprised delight, the food was delicious, although Arthur rolled his eyes at the menu's pretentiousness. Merlin elbowed him, because after all they were guests and the staff clearly took the food very seriously. Arthur and Uther took turns telling Merlin about Kew, with Uther contributing the holistic viewpoint and Arthur more interested in the Gardens' history. They seemed in harmony this evening and Merlin couldn't quite place why that made him uneasy until they had left the restaurant and were on their way back to Arthur's place.

He dropped behind them a little, hearing them chat easily about their day, with an occasional, elliptical reference to things that had happened long before, even once to Igraine.

They didn't need Merlin. 

He'd been expecting to be a buffer and a friend to Arthur, but now he was just in the way – and he couldn't even leave because he was supposed to be Arthur's boyfriend and sleeping in Arthur's bed. He trailed them up to the flat and nodded a goodnight to them before heading straight to bed.

~ * ~

  


“What was that about?” Arthur asked when he came to bed about twenty minutes later.

Merlin didn't pretend not to know what he was talking about. “Just thought I'd stay out of the way,” he said listlessly.

“I thought you...” Arthur broke off. “Fine. Goodnight.” He rolled over to place his back to Merlin.

Merlin dropped into a fitful doze, but every time his eyes opened, Arthur's stiff and unyielding back made him feel guilty again.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered into the dark.

Arthur's shoulder jerked in a grumpy shrug, but his back relaxed and Merlin was finally able to fall properly asleep.

When Merlin awoke Arthur was already awake, watching him. Before he could bring his brain online Merlin had allowed himself to smile with dreamy affection at the strange, good-hearted, volatile man whose bed he was sharing.

“Merlin,” Arthur said, soft and surprised. They came together slowly, sleepily, and then suddenly it was neither slow nor sleepy but desperate and needy.

“Let me,” Arthur said, sliding an urgent hand inside Merlin's boxers. Merlin whimpered into his mouth, spending with shameful speed, but then it was his turn to undo Arthur's pajama drawstring and work at his stiff, needy cock until with a cry Arthur arched back and spurted between their bellies.

Merlin reached for the tissues and handed a couple to Arthur, slumping back on his own side of the bed to wipe himself until he was respectable enough to cross the living room to the bathroom for his morning shower.

Neither of them said anything. What did it mean, Merlin wondered. He had no way of knowing.

~ * ~

  


On Friday night they all ended up at the pub again, Uther in tow. Gwaine was in an odd mood, taking every opportunity to jab at Percival, who stolidly blocked every jab by simply refusing to be insulted.

Merlin took the opportunity to sit with Gwaine anyway, only too happy to know where he stood with someone. “What are you doing?” he hissed at his friend.

“Don't know what you mean,” Gwaine said, shrugging his shoulders innocently. Merlin took to elbowing him in the ribs every time he sensed another Percival-directed jab coming on and Gwaine left at about 11 giving him a dirty look and making remarks about calling a girl he'd hooked up with recently.

After he'd left everyone looked at Percival. “He's feeling threatened,” he said easily. “He'll come around.” Morgana leaned forward inquisitively but Percival shook his head before she'd even opened her mouth. “It's private,” he said, and somehow not even Morgana felt able to push the matter further.

With Gwaine gone, Merlin was stranded in a sea of Arthur's friends and relations. Absentmindedly he finished his beer and accepted another, and then another. By the time the pub closed he was well away, although perhaps his companions weren't aware of it.

“I'm off tomorrow,” Uther announced suddenly, as they all stood to put on coats and scarves. “I'm doing a series of workshops in Los Angeles next week. I'm glad to have had the chance to meet you all.” Everyone made polite murmurs.

Merlin didn't know whether to feel glad or sorry that Uther was going. Ever since that one morning, he and Arthur had been awkward around each other – a little too polite, eyes wary. Tomorrow night he would sleep in the guest room again and start his flat-hunting in earnest. When he moved out, Arthur would simply be someone he ran into now and again, an unusual one night stand; or perhaps a memory pulled out for a wank once in a while.

Moonlight filled the room as he slipped into bed beside Arthur for the last time. Arthur turned to face him and Merlin could feel himself drifting as if he were afloat on a gentle tide. “I think I may have had a little too much to drink,” he said dreamily.

“Me too,” Arthur murmured. He didn't look drunk, but then neither did Merlin. “I'm glad you came to stay,” Arthur said seriously. “I don't know how I would have managed without you.”

“You were fine,” Merlin assured him. “You didn't need me.” The moonlight highlighted Arthur's cheekbones, silvering his hair and leaving sharp, unexpected shadows on his bare chest.

“Thank you,” Arthur said. He brought one hand forward to rest on Merlin's shoulder. Merlin closed his eyes, savouring the warmth of contact. When he opened them again, Arthur was regarding him with an odd look. Tentatively he leaned in to Merlin, and Merlin opened to him without artifice, pulling Arthur close and twining eagerly around him.

“Let me have tonight,” he mumbled into Arthur's mouth. “Just tonight, and I won't ask for more.”

“Whatever you want,” Arthur said quietly. “You can have whatever you want of me.”

Merlin didn't want him like that; didn't want a duty fuck, but Arthur seemed as eager to touch him as Merlin was to be touched. He tugged Merlin's shirt until Merlin took it off, and then palmed Merlin's arse, pushing aside his boxers until Merlin could kick them down to the foot of the bed. Merlin ground into his thigh, feeling Arthur's fingers cup the cheeks of his arse, fingers spreading wide to hold as much of it as they could..

“Wait,” Arthur said breathlessly. He undid his pajama drawstring and the pajama pants joined Merlin's boxers at the foot of the bed, so that they were finally pressed naked together, skin to skin.

“I haven't done this in over ten years,” Arthur panted, sliding down Merlin's body to bite at his hip, kiss his thigh.

“Please,” Merlin begged. Fourteen, Arthur had said; he'd been fourteen when he was caught fooling around with some schoolboy. How much could he have learned back then anyway?

Arthur's mouth was tentative, but eager. Somehow the fact that he was so unpractised gave Merlin's heart a pang. He put a hand gently into Arthur's hair, watching his face bob in and out of shadow as he re-learned the contours of a man's cock with his tongue and lips. Soon enough, Merlin moved his fingers to grip the sheets and cry out his pleasure.

Arthur spat into a tissue and slid up to lie beside Merlin, who was bonelessly content. “I want,” he said restlessly and Merlin wanted to give him whatever it was he wanted.

“What?” he offered, rubbing his cheek into Arthur's chest hair. “What, Arthur?”

“I don't know. I want you.”

Merlin rolled to face away from Arthur and reached an arm back to tug him into position, spooning close, arse to cock. Scissoring his uppermost leg into the air, he pulled Arthur's stiff cock into the crease of his damp, sweaty groin and closed his legs again. “Go on,” he urged and after a moment of confusion, Arthur began to thrust.

“Oh,” he breathed, getting the hang of it. “Merlin, God!” Merlin held on to the headboard and pushed back shamelessly until Arthur's rhythm faltered and he finally spent between Merlin's thighs. They'd been too eager, too thoughtless to wait for lubricant, and Merlin suspected that he would be chafed in the morning, but right now he couldn't even be bothered to wipe Arthur's spunk off his thighs before he lost his battle to stay awake.

Luckily, Arthur wasn't quite so far gone, and Merlin felt him wiping gently at his groin as he drifted into sleep.

~ * ~

  


Arthur was already up when Merlin awoke. He could hear him moving about in the kitchen, brisk and competent and chatting to Uther. Merlin's thighs felt like they had a bad case of sunburn and his head was throbbing. He put his pillow over his face and wished the sunlight away.

“Are you getting up to say, goodbye to Uther?” Arthur asked from the doorway, and Merlin realised that he must have fallen asleep again. He grunted an affirmative. “Time for a shower?” he asked painfully.

“Ten minutes,” Arthur granted. Then, surprised, “Are you hungover?”

Merlin groaned a pitiful affirmative at him.

“You didn't drink that much,” Arthur said doubtfully.

“I don't have to,” Merlin assured him, lurching into an upright position and suddenly realising that he was naked and covered in the remnants of the night's indulgence. 

Arthur tossed him a dressing gown and shook his head. “Pathetic,” he said. “Don't forget your towel.” He relented enough to hand him a glass of water and two paracetamol tablets on his way to the bathroom though. “Uther's taxi arrives in fifteen,” he said warningly. Merlin waved listlessly at Uther, consuming his morning muesli at the counter, and shuffled into the bathroom as quickly as he could manage.

He did, in fact, make it out in time to have a cup of coffee before Uther's taxi arrived – late, of course. “Be right down,” Arthur assured the taxi driver, moving to take Uther's bags.

“I'm glad to have spent this time getting to know you, Merlin,” Uther said, waving Arthur to go ahead with his bags. “You're very good for Arthur, you know. I've been worried about him ever since he split up with Guinevere but I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. Stick around, won't you?”

Merlin tried not to feel like a complete heel, without notable success. “He's pretty amazing,” he managed to say, with utter truth. “I'd be an idiot not to stick around.”

Uther nodded with satisfaction and then let out an exclamation. “Oh! I nearly forgot your chart! It's on the bench.” He gestured at a rolled-up scroll beside the fruit bowl. “I hope you find it useful.” He hugged Merlin without self-consciousness and hurried down the stairs, leaving Merlin to close the door behind him.

Down below the taxi boot slammed, then the door and with a quick toot of the horn Uther was gone.

Merlin fell face-down onto the sofa and tried to remember what his life had been like just last month. It seemed as remote as Iceland.

~ * ~

  
“What are you doing?” Arthur asked, when he came back.

Merlin's response was muffled by the cushions.

“Did he say something to you?”

Arthur sounded so worried that Merlin turned his head to answer. “He was nice. Told me to stick around.”

Arthur sat down on the sofa, pushing Merlin's feet aside to do so. “You can, you know,” he said carelessly. “I could do with a flatmate actually. It's pretty expensive living alone.”

Merlin sighed. “Can't stay with you as a flatmate. I'm kind of mad about you. You don't want that.”

Arthur went still at his end of the sofa, then Merlin felt the springs give as he stood up and moved over to kneel on the floor beside Merlin. “Turn over properly, Merlin: I'm not going to say this to your back.”

Merlin rolled over to face Arthur, who was smiling. “I'm kind of mad about you too, idiot. Even if you do have the alcohol tolerance of a small girl.”

“Ow!” said Merlin. “Smiling that much hurts!”

“Tough,” Arthur said cheerfully, “Get up and go back to bed, you baby. I'm going to want you in top condition later on.” He tugged Merlin to his feet.

Merlin smiled at him as broadly as he could manage and Arthur pulled him into a gentle kiss. “According to my father, your chart shows that we are a perfect match. I suppose it's just possible that he isn't completely insane after all.”  


  


  


  
**THE END**... except for the Epilogue

  



	4. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

“Oy!” said Arthur. “Is that sanitary?”

“Fuck sanitary,” Gwaine replied. “You can't tell me not to kiss my boyfriend. It's discrimination, that's what it is!”

“I can tell you not to kiss him in the kitchen if it's going to bring the Health Inspectors down on us. Percival – if you must consort with this twat, can you keep him out of the kitchen?”

“Sure, boss,” Percival said compliantly. “Gwaine, have you ever seen our linen storage room?”

“Percival!”

“Take a muffin, boss. I'm trying out a new recipe.”

Arthur shrugged and took two. They were good. Life was good. 

He took another two muffins and wrapped them up in a napkin to take home to Merlin.


End file.
